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Tuesday, May 24, 2011

What if the world was really ending?

So, May 21st was supposed to be judgement day and the world would come to an end except for the 3% of the population that would be saved. For weeks, I heard of this campaign of judgement day on the streets of NYC and in crowded subways. I saw literature line the sidewalks and buildings on how the world would end on May 21st. The person promoting all of this in NYC reportedly spent over $140,000 to spread the word. I wonder what he thought on May 22nd? But I think the deeper question is regardless of his belief, what if the world really did come to an end? How would you feel? I sat back and thought about this as I laughed with my friends about the notion of the world ending. I spent my last night having Sushi at Bond Street with my good friend Karen and then off to an underground, hip, cool lounge in Soho where you have to walk through the actual kitchen to get to the "cool" part. Just a standard night in NYC-no different than any other. Except what if it was my last? I really thought about it- What did I always want to do but never got the chance? What person was I not speaking to or a relationship strained that I could mend and what regrets would I have?

My grandfather would share with me during his dying moments his greatest regret. It was one of love. My grandmother, Beatrice "Bee", died when i was only a baby. I don't remember her. But Bee was my grandfather's true love and soul mate. He would talk about Bee with love in his voice, eyes and heart. You could feel his passion for her. His unconditional love for her regardless of how she was or who she was. But my grandmother was an alcoholic and died of cirrhosis of the liver. She missed our lives because of an illness that even she could not control. My grandfather would cry during these moments and tell me his greatness regret was that he was not stronger with her. That he did not stand up to her and the drinking so she could be around to watch her grandchildren. He was mad at himself for being weak, for ignoring the problem in hopes it would go away, and for never confronting it. But he loved her- good, bad, unconditional love. He would envision how she would look now almost 40 years later- would she be wrinkly, would her beautiful red hair be gray and would she have stopped drinking?

In the diary, my grandfather talks of Bee and the letters she would send him. It was his salvation to a dry, desert day of war. Bee's letters would uplift him and he was able to carry on knowing he would return to Queens, New York one day. My grandfather's regret stayed with him till his dying day. "If only," "I should have," or "why didn't I" filled the hospital room when he talked about Bee.

I think back on my regrets or list of things I always wanted to do. Did I have any regrets? What if the world ended after my night in Soho- did I do everything I wanted to do?

So, I thought about it and listed some of the things I still want to do:

Go to Africa on a 3 week Safari
Spend more time with my family and friends
Volunteer my time with a charity Organization close to my heart
Go to London when Prince Harry get's married
Laugh more
Write more
Love unconditional
PUBLISH this book :)

Now, what regrets do I have in my life(these are just a few):

Never saying goodbye to my good friend Benny before he died
Wasting too much time at odds with my best friend Debbie instead of loving our friendship
not spending more time with my grandfather
not working on this book more and getting it out to the world

I would encourage everything to think about the regrets you have and change them or forgive yourself for them! and then list the things you want to do and DO THEM! My grandfather couldn't change what happened to Bee but he did regret it till his dying day that he didn't do more to help her. But he loved us for two people and I can only hope I have the patience, understanding and unconditional love he had for Bee one day.

Much love


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